I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
