I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i think i have herpe
just one?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
