he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
