i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
