Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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