she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
