and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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