Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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