Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
