Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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