Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
