Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
