i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
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