escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i need some magic done to my vagina
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
