bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i came on her dog
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
