you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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