i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
