I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
