It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
