I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
