She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
