he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
