I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
