just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
