So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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