I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
