Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
