Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
