dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
