for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
