Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
