i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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