Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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