we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
