Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
