We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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