I smell stomach acid.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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