i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
