i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
