I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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