Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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