I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
