my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
