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your thong is hanging out like whoa
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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