Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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