Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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