glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
