I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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