Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
