u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
