okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
