Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
