dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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