whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
