you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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