They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
