I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
