gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
